Two Blog Kind of Day...Let's Get Real

I have had so much positive feedback about my blog and my progress. It's absolutely wonderful. I've also become hyper aware of other people's eating habits and relationships with food. It's annoying because if I were someone else I would be highly annoyed by me. I apologize in advance. I just really wanted to talk about a few things that I have read and stuff.

First, The girl that I bought the shakes from told me that I should pace myself and remember to give my body what it craves. I have actually heard this several times over the past week from several different people. In the past this would have been great advice for me. I would always push myself way too hard and deny myself everything. Then I would eventually realize I hadn't lost any weight, freak out, and eat everything I had been craving all at once. Then I would find myself naked in front of the mirror and crying because I felt hopeless and worthless and FAT. For those of you that have been on any kind of diet and crashed you can probably relate. For those of you that have never had a weight problem, you will NEVER understand. Not your fault of course but all the same. My new way of thinking is like this...if I have a craving for salt I simply grab a few ranch rice cakes or cheese rice cakes or almonds or a piece of watermelon with some salt on it instead of grabbing a whole damn bag of potato chips. Guess what? It works. The salt craving is satisfied and I am not sitting down, holding an empty bag of chips, and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. If I am craving something sweet I have some sugar free, low calorie french vanilla pudding or some crasins or a 100 calorie snack pack. This prevents me from eating a whole box of cookies and crying because I am going to gain 10lbs!

Second, two of the guys that I work with have told me that I really shouldn't completely give up caffeine altogether. It's okay to drink a coke a day or even two. Or maybe even have some coffee. Let's look at this. A regular coke can has 140 calories! My lunch consisted of 4 oz grilled chicken breast, zucchini, carrots, sauteed mushrooms and a side salad. That was 437 calories and it was amazing. Drinking 2 cokes a day would equal the same amount of calories as eating half of my lunch! Are you kidding me? Do you really get that much satisfaction out of a small can of coke that takes maybe 10 minutes to drink? Thus being the reason why I have given up caffeine and I don't even miss it. As a matter of fact I didn't even realize I had given it up until the second day! For those of you that are not on the shakes, I have given up caffeine before on several different occasions and it always sucks ass for like a day or two but then it gets better. That's a really easy way to cut out some of your calorie consumption.


Third, I have gotten this so many times. Don't you feel like you are sacrificing everything for this diet? Well let's talk about that for a second. All of these things that I have given up do seem like a really big sacrifice but if you look at everything I am gaining it is totally worth it. I think that a big secret to a successful diet is to have a positive attitude. You can't think about all of the things that you are giving up like caffeine, red meat, carbs, sugar, or whatever you might be giving up. You have to think about all of the things that you are gaining. I am gaining energy, will power, self esteem, and better health. I am giving up feeling ashamed about how much I weigh, not wanting to go shopping because I have to go to the plus size section, not being able to fit into my clothes because I just had to have a piece of cake at midnight, feeling worthless or less of a person because of my weight, and most importantly not being able to look at myself in a full body mirror without cringing. Those are the things that I am giving up on this diet. See how the caffeine, red meats, and junk food seem like less of a big deal when you look at it like that?

I believe that you should love yourself no matter what your size is or what you look like. I also believe that your friends and family should love you for what's on the inside regardless of the outside. And I do love myself very much and I know that my friends and family do too. However, I can still love myself and hate my weight at the same time. I hate it so much. I literally have spent my entire life hating my weight. I can't tell you how many nights I sat and looked at myself in the mirror and just cried. Going out with friends was always a miserable experience because I always felt so self conscience about my size. I have spent my entire life being the thick girl or the fat one or the curvy one. It doesn't matter how you put it, it all means the same. I am the fat girl. That's who I am. One word to describe Lezleecarbs, etc. I will. If it means that I never have to be the fat one again.

Even now as I type this I am in tears thinking about how horrible it feels to be that helpless and to hate your appearance so much. People always make comments like, "Wow. She needs to push away from the table and she won't be so big" or "She should just stop eating so much or exercise more." It's really easy to say that when you've never struggled with your weight. Hell if all we had to do was just stop eating so much and exercise a little more we would all be thin. For some people it's just not that easy. So if you're struggling with your weight just remember that. It's not that easy but I can promise you that when you start losing weight it will be worth all of the work. For those of you that have never had a weight problem I hope that this blog has helped you to see just how hard it is for some people so that next time you see a fat person you might not judge them so harshly. Research it. Some people gain weight more easily than others whether it's due to a medical condition, metabolism, genes or other stuff. Some people have a harder time losing weight for the same reasons. What works for me may not work for you. If you're on a diet and you're miserable, change it. Try something different. Find something that you can do and be happy and successful with. Do it before you give up and end up gaining more weight.

One more thing before I finish ranting, this blog has not been easy for me. It's probably more difficult than the diet. I have put myself out there for the world to see. My fears, insecurities, and issues. Some of these things that are in here my closest friends don't even know. I've never shared them with anyone but I hope that my story reaches out to one person and gives them the motivation they need to lose weight. No one should ever have to look in the mirror and hate what they see. I have to thank my best friend Crystal for not only introducing me to the shakes but for talking me into blogging about it and for always supporting me and loving me no matter how big I am. She truly looks at a person and doesn't even see their weight and that's something that most people could never ever do. And for all of you that have read my blog and rooted for me or given me words of encouragement, thanks. A little support and encouragement goes a really long way.

Sorry for the long rant. I just felt like I needed to get all of that off of my chest. I'm done now. You can all resume your normal lives. :-) Thanks for reading!!