The Beginning

Hi. My name is Lezlee and I'm a fatty. Fat. Fat. Fat. I so hate that word! It cuts like a knife. You can call me a bitch all day long but the second you say I'm fat I will flip out and stab you in the face. I call myself fat all the time but there is just something about someone else calling me that. It's like confirming the obvious. I've been in denial for a long time about my weight. For years I was a closeted dieter. I didn't want anyone to know that I was on a diet because then that meant I was admitting to being fat. I could never do that. Pshh...like people couldn't tell by looking at my big ass! It's so crazy how we convince ourselves that if we don't admit to something then it somehow isn't true. Don't get me wrong, I love myself, fat or not I'm a pretty amazing person. I just think I would love myself a lot more if there wasn't so much of me to love. I spent a lot of time doing a lot of different diets and not really losing any weight. I would beat myself up about it all the time. That would just cause me to get depressed and gain more weight. It's this crazy cycle. If you're overweight or ever struggled with weight problems you know exactly what I'm talking about. I found out that after all of these years I have PCOS and a thyroid disorder. So basically there's an underlying reason why I'm fat and diets haven't helped much.

I finally decided that I wanted to get the lap band. I have been going back and forth between wanting it and not wanting it for several years now. I have done all kinds of research and I just felt like it was my last chance to shed the weight. Then last week I was talking to my best friend and she told me about a new line of products that a bunch of her friends are having great success with called Body by Vi. Listen I have had my fill of all of these miracle weight loss products. I have tried most of them and have been very disappointed but for some reason the products and the success stories just captured my attention. I've decided that I have to give it a shot. So I ordered my kit this week and I am so excited. I have really unrealistic expectations so I am trying to set realistic goals so that I don't get discouraged and give up.

The first step to starting the diet is to order the products. The second step is to weigh yourself. YIKES! I haven't stepped on a scale in a very long time and the last time I stepped on one I didn't like what I saw at all. The scale is so intimidating to me. I think it is for most people, overweight or not. I don't know why we judge ourselves based on stupid numbers on a horrible little machine but as a society we do. You are suddenly not worth much if you weigh too much. You feel less confident and have lower self-esteem the higher the number is.

I know that I will never be a size 2 or hell probably not a size 6 and I am just fine with that. My ultimate goal is a size 9. I do not need to be a supermodel...I just need to be a healthy me...regular sized not super sized! So my goal for the day is to get on the scale and weigh myself. Tomorrow will hold more goals but I am just going to take it one day at a time. Totally corny, I know.

If nobody reads this that is totally fine with me but if I can inspire one other fellow fatty to start their own journey to a healthier, happier person then I'm super happy. I also think there is something therapeutic about writing and I'm hoping that documenting my struggles and my successes will help me reach my goals. So here goes nothing!